Thursday, November 28, 2013

Thanks And Giving: Let's Do This

Nearly 2 years ago I started this blog as an outlet for myself. I have always enjoyed writing and even though I had forgotten most of what I had learned in High School, I decided to give it a try. I had proposed that after 3 months I would decide if I really wanted to keep at it. Being stuck at home with a Preemie who had a delicate immune system, and not adjusting well to having 5 kids was beginning to put me in the danger zone. The danger zone is when my mental illness goes Mach 9 and implodes into my every waking moment and I was slowly getting there. Writing funny statuses was a way to relieve some of that pressure. I enjoyed the feedback from friends and family, and it made me feel a little less alone. After I started the blog, I started the page, and again told myself maybe I would quit after a few months. I didn't expect to gain anything other than just having an extra spot on the Internet to make people laugh. In the beginning, that's all I wanted. "Your smile is my smile" I say that a lot, and it's true. I didn't want to be a mommy blog, a funny blog (because sometimes I didn't feel so funny), or really any particular subject. I didn't want to limit myself from the get go just in case I came up with a crazy idea that didn't fit with the theme.

After 3 months something amazing happened. I still didn't really know what the hell I was doing, but people seemed to like it. They were okay with no set theme, no set rules, and they were completely okay with me just being myself. Even bigger than that, they opened up to ME, and I began connecting with people from all over the world. What started as "I'm just going to make some people laugh because I don't even feel like getting out of bed today", turned around on me. You made me get out of bed because YOU were getting out of bed. Does that make sense? You inspire me. You really do. You have helped me, you have been there for not only me, but my family, and you give me so much more than a laugh and a smile. You give me a reason to believe in myself. For that, I am eternally grateful. So fucking thankful. And so gahdamn honored.


And now I am here, nearly 2 years later.
Almost 50,000 followers on the page. Thousands of reads every month on my blog. And I feel like I am in a place where I feel I can do more.Where I can say more, work harder, and expect that the things I say will have reach, and the things I do will matter.
And I am so fucking ready.

One of the more awesome benefits of having my page and blog, is connecting with people. I have loved meeting new friends from all walks of life, and learning from people. A lot of you have reached out to me, and although I don't have the time to connect with every single one of you, I really do try to give most of you individual attention. You are the reason I am here after all. One of the friends that I have met, is my dear friend Gretchen or "Gretty". She reached out to me quite awhile ago and we had a nice email exchange. We both have Preemie babies so we instantly hit it off in a "I've seen the same bullshit and miracles that you have" way,  and I began following her on Instagram. She was starting a clothing line and I promised that I would help promote it in any way I could, as soon as she was ready. I began following her business Instagram and showed my support by liking her Facebook page. In between working on her business and being generally awesome, Gretty is a stay at home mom to 2 beautiful children, Zoey and Jax. Homeschooling and being a Preemie parent are not easy but she had the love and support of an amazing husband to get her through the hard days and help with her business. The love Gretty and her husband Eric have, was shown in the lovely faces of their adorabley happy children.

But a few nights ago Eric was in a car accident. He didn't make it. Gretty is heartbroken and when I read her status on Facebook, I cried. "He was my everything" she said. Those words repeated in my head from the moment I found out, to the following day. Thankfully, I saw a friend start a Give Forward for her and her kids and there is even a Facebook page to support it. I hope that you will visit both and do what you can to help Gretty and her family.

If you are a small business or a blogger that wants to have a spot on my blog AND help the Lach family, please check out my *Advertising Page* with details on how to purchase a one month ad or a 3 month ad, ALL proceeds will benefit Gretty (the Lach family)

If you are interested in participating in the giveaways planned for next month please click *here* for details and to purchase. I have 20 slots available and it's going to be MASSIVE. ALL giveaway proceeds will benefit Gretty (the Lach family)

Note: I have 2 scheduled blog posts a week from here on out, so be assured that your business or brand will be seen by thousands.

Also if you are a Humbler who is interested in VTF memberships click *here* for those details and how to purchase. ALL proceeds will benefit the Lach Family. Plus, I am sending all that purchase a VTF membership a super cool certificate, a thank you note with a crappy drawing done by me, and a small gift to say thanks.

Thank you Humblers, for giving me a voice and an opportunity to help Gretty and to help others. This is why I am here. Other than, yanno....cats and beards and junk.




XOXO
Humble


 The Lach Family


Thursday, November 21, 2013

JeweleryUDesign Giveaway!

 
I am always happy to help a family owned business by giving them a little spotlight on my blog and I extra lurve it when they are passing out prizes to Humblers! I mean who doesn't love a prize?! When Adrianna from JewelryUDesign contacted me to promote her bizz I was extra extra excited because I really think her business is unique and many people would love what JewelryUDesign offers. Everything they make is 100% designed by the customer. Medical ID bracelets, footprint key chains, engraving, they can even turn a photo of someone you love or a drawing into an amazing piece of jewelry. The creative options are ENDLESS. The photos you see here are just a drop in the bucket compared to everything JewelryUDesign can do.



When I asked Adrianna what inspired her to start her business she explained that it started with loss. At 20 weeks pregnant with her first child, her and her husband were devastated to learn at a routine ultrasound that their baby was gone and walked out of the appointment in disbelief. In the weeks that followed she wanted a piece of jewelry that she could wear that would honor her sweet daughter and keep her memory near her always. She was disappointed that the footprint necklaces that she had found were impersonal and generic and the custom options were really overpriced considering the quality. And that is how her and her fiance decided to start their business. Their goal is to help people get creative and give them high quality jewelry that they will cherish forever.
Just this past June they started the business and were able to create the pendant that Adrianna has always wanted to wear to remember their angel. It is a pendant of the only thing I have left of her- a 3D ultrasound image. Since then, they have grown tremendously from just an idea to over 31K+ fans. Isn't that amazing? To stay updated about special offers and see lots of designs you can click right HERE and follow them on Facebook!

You can also find JewelryUDesign on
Twitter
Pinterest
and
Pinterest

To see ALL THE POSSIBILITIES FOR INFINITE CREATIONS visit their site at www.jewelryudesign.com


WANNA WIN?
Here's your chance!
Winner has a choice of a custom designed necklace, keychain, or charm.
Free shipping only available in the lower 48 states and winner must place order within 7 days of receiving prize


Friday, November 8, 2013

Humble Reviews: React Mobile App


When I was contacted to review this app I have to admit my first thought was that I already owned all of the most important apps in existence. I've got photo apps, frames for photo apps, music apps, news apps, 4 different social media apps, game apps and on and on. Unless of course, this one could make me pancakes, I don't see how it's going to earn a place on my home screen. But after further review of the information sent to me, I knew that this was an app that I would not only install immediately but also recommend to my family and friends. No it can't make me pancakes (dang it), edit my pores before posting to Instagram, or even grammar check my Facebook updates, BUT it does turn my phone into a powerful lifeline. Which, let's face it, is more important than pancakes and filtered photos of what I am eating.

The React Mobile app works like this:
After creating a self selected contact list you can
utilize the "Follow Me" feature at the touch of a button. This sends a link via SMS, that allows your selected contacts to track your whereabouts in real-time whenever you are concerned with your safety. 


 

For example:
 *When you have an early morning or late night walk/run, meeting a client or someone you have not met face to face with (online dating, meet ups,etc.)
 *When traveling to unfamiliar neighborhoods or when you have a tendency to become lost (that'd be me)
*Keeping track of kids that are walking to and from school
  *For college students/late night workers
*Anyone who wants the extra assurance that trusted friends are "in the know" of where they are in the case of an emergency

When the React Mobile user has reached their destination safely, they can press the "I'm Safe" button to let the contacts know that they arrived at their destination and are safe. The selected contacts don't need to download the app in order for this to work though, since a link is sent to the contact through text.
 

In the case of an emergency, pressing the "SOS Shield" will send a panic alert through text and email to the selected contacts alerting them of your GPS location. Optionally your alert and location can be posted on Facebook and Twitter. After the "SOS Shield" is pressed the user would then automatically be prompted to dial 911. 
If you are not in North America, the app allows you to select what country you live in or are traveling to, in the settings tab. When the SOS is triggered, you will be prompted to call the appropriate emergency authority.  


React Mobile is incredibly easy to use and upon installation it gives step by step instruction on how to input contacts and how to use both the "Follow Me" and "SOS Shield" features. If you download React Mobile on to your child's phone, I highly recommend you have them watch the tutorial video, to further explain how to use the app. Both my 10 year old and 8 year old were able to use it in less then 5 minutes after they watched the video and followed the on screen instructions.

To watch an overview video about React Mobile you can click here:vimeo.com/61906781 

And to watch a tutorial video on how React Mobile works, you can click here:vimeo.com/61927390 

And for more information on React Mobile you can visit their site at www.reactmobile.com

This truly invaluable app can be downloaded for FREE on both iPhone and Android
Isn't that awesome!?

You can choose from the following to download immediately:


(available on select Smartphones)

Do you think React Mobile app could be useful to you and your family? After downloading the app, did you find it easy to use?
 Let me know in the comments!

xoxo Humble







Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post and although I was compensated for my time and effort, my opinions of the product/service are 100 percent honest and I believe that the product/service would be beneficial to Humble Writes Words subscribers



Monday, November 4, 2013

Meet Leah



 A few weeks ago I was browsing Instagram after hashtagging one of Jedi's pictures with #preemie, I saw many very small babies and some big kids that were NICU graduates and as I scanned the feed of all the thousands of photos, one stood out to me. I clicked it to enlarge it, and I gasped. The sweetest little eyes staring at me.



And after viewing more photos like this:



I had to know more about this baby. In all honesty, I have seen LOTS AND LOTS of babies, but none like this baby.

JUST LOOK AT HER 

  Her sweet face and delicate features had me right from the get go. And it wasn't just her insane yummyness that had me in a tizzy....the love that I could feel from the pictures and perhaps from the photographer, made me NEED to know more. I was set on finding out. I commented one of the photos asking for her parent to email me and I was really relieved she got back to me quickly. I had this baby on my brain and I wanted to know exactly what was going on in her life.

Here is what I found out from her blogs about section (click HERE to read more)


Leah Valerie was
Due July 4, 2013. Born May 8, 2013. 3.5lbs, 16.14in, 10 fingers, 10 toes, 47 chromosomes. Oh – and she has 2 mommies. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR. 



I need a tissue.  My heart may explode. Right out of my eyes.

Her mommies, Lisa and Mandy have been together for 11 years and after finishing college and post grad school they decided it was time to start a family. Mandy became pregnant quickly and at 20 weeks they found out their baby had markers for Down Syndrome. Just a couple of weeks later they were given news that it was absolutely certain. Shortly after that, they discovered that there was a blockage in her stomach and plans were made to have Mandy deliver baby Leah at a bigger more distant hospital because she would likely need surgery right after birth. They forged ahead and planned to take Bradley classes and do all the things expecting couples do towards the end of a pregnancy. But on the morning of May 8th, Mandy had found that her water had broken. Just a couple of days before, Lisa had been diagnosed with chronic stomach paralysis and had been incredibly ill. She had hoped she would have her own surgery well before Leah's arrival, but baby Leah had other plans!
 In the days that followed they learned that Leah had esophageal atresia, which means her esophagus and stomach do not connect. Leah's form is especially rare because there is a large part of her esophagus that is missing entirely. This makes for a much more difficult procedure. Until the atresia is repaired or she is able to swallow, Leah cannot go home due to the potentially-fatal risk of aspiration pneumonia and because she has Down Syndrome, her recovery from surgery would take longer than a typical baby. This means that Leah has to work extra hard before and after surgery and will need to stay in the PICU for at least a month after surgery before she can go home to her adoring mothers. And Leah's journey doesn't end there! Leah will need in home care for quite awhile along with many different therapies that will both help her heal, and get her moving on the right track.


Why am I sharing Leah with you? Well other than "this is the cutest most hardcore baby in the history of adorable", you can help her Mama's help her heal. Leah had surgery on November 1st and seems to be rocking it out the best she can and I am sure her Mama's are both incredibly relieved that the surgery part is over with, but also a tad anxious about what will happen next.
As a state employee Mandy did not receive the state-funded disability and maternity benefits that keep most California workers afloat during times of pregnancy, parental bonding time and family medical leave.

Additionally, two days before Leah was born (as mentioned before) Lisa was in the emergency room due to a neurological condition that causes stomach paralysis. She has lost over 45 lbs in just a few months and has been too ill to work. She is still recovering from an abdominal surgery meant to help her manage this difficult condition.

 To help the Mama's stay with Leah as she recovers in the  PICU and help them manage costs when they finally go home (they have been staying at the Ronald McDonald house close to the hospital) a fundraiser was started for Leah and her Mama's. I have been incredibly blessed by having followers that have been there for me and helped me receive our Rainbow (that thank you post is coming up!) and I would be honored if I could send some of those kindnesses to this family. If you are moved to, please donate to Leah's fundraiser by clicking HERE. They are pretty close to their goal already but could use more! If you can't donate, you can still visit Leah's blog and read about her progress by clicking HERE (be prepared for a MASS amount of baby cuteness)
you can also follow Leah's Facebook page by clicking HERE
and her Instagram
and her Twitter

And if you are just over the moon about Leah as I am, could you please share this post? The world needs a little more sunshine and I think she's just the girl for the job.

Monday, September 23, 2013

Part 5 of The Jedi Series: Breathing

It has been exactly 2 years since we brought our boy home from the NICU.  After a tumultuous pregnancy which you can read about HERE in it's entirety, and ultimately a happy enough ending, we finally brought our boy home after a 84 day stay. Our journey to bringing home a preemie and what it all entailed, started well before we came home, but what we learned in our NICU experience didn't prepare us at all for what lied ahead. Since all preemies are different, only a general outline of what to expect could be given and even then, it all depended on him. If I could go back and give myself some advice, I am not even sure I would. The things I know now, they had to be learned by living it. So naive I was, a mom of 4 healthy kids, I can surely navigate this preemie stuff no problem, right? It's not THAT big of a deal, it just means he's a little smaller and might get a cold easier, but hey on the bright side, no more scary pregnancy! He's out and he's alive. So that's that!


I was some kind of adorable in thinking this way.
In all reality, I had no idea that our journey from the NICU was just a little back pat and  being out of the NICU doesn't really change the game, it just means the game is at a different ball park. I know a lot about babies, and even having had 4 previously, this knowledge and experience didn't really give me any big advantage. For one, I may have baby experience, but I didn't KNOW my son when he came home. I knew his care routine  and enough to keep him alive and his apnea monitor from going off. I also didn't know much about preemies, I just knew my preemie. Sure, I knew the general outline "ball park rules" that I had picked up from the Nurses and Staff at the NICU. How to feed and handle reflux was up there on the most important things to learn. Second would be his list of medications that he would take every 2, 4, and 8 hours. Third would be, what to do if his apnea monitor (that was on him 24/7) went off. And FTW, they never did tell me how to recover after his apnea monitor goes off. (pro tip: after the apnea monitor is done screeching and you have the baby alive and settled, feel free to go gangbusters on delicious treats and also CRY your eyes out because that shit was scary. You deserve it.)


Everything else, I had to learn on the fly. And fly I did, straight into walls, straight into my pillow sobbing, and also soaring though the air wearing a super hero cape, holding my sweet boy Simba style and shouting "I WON! BEHOLD, HE IS MINE! MY CREATION!!" But if I really was able to go back in time and tell myself a few things, I think this is what I would say: 


This shit is not your fault.

Not even a little bit. There is nothing you did to cause this. It was not for lack of the Omega 3s and the fish oil that you forgot to take that one week you were alternating dry heaving and the spins, it is not because you dyed your hair, or because you had to bomb your house with Raid the week you found out you were pregnant. No fumes, no food, no not even that cough syrup that you desperately needed at 8 weeks because you thought if you coughed like that ONE more time, little Jr was going to be shake, rattled and rolled right out. Pregnancies are not a delicate condition. They are expected to go normally until proven otherwise. Your pregnancy lasted for as long as it possibly could and it was not because your body failed you or because you didn't try hard enough. So stop thinking you failed in some way. Instead, think of how amazing it is that you created a human that was whole and beautifully formed after just 6 months. Your body and you did that. You created life. Period. You are bad ass.

It's okay to feel sorry for yourself. 
Whoa, I didn't say go run and cry flapping your arms like a deranged seal. I meant, it's okay if you just don't feel like faking like you are just exuding gratefulness and positivity. That's right, I said FAKING. I called you out. Being grateful for what you have and being happy are two different things. You can be completely grateful that you and your preemie are alive, but also feel sad about things you didn't get to do. Didn't get to get fat. Didn't get to get a pregnancy massage. No belly cast. No couples birthing class that is all the rage. No normal child birth to make you one with nature and the fucking moon. You never even got to eat chicken and waffles which you had been craving your whole pregnancy. It's okay to say "this shit is for the birds" when you think of all the normal things you missed. You are still grateful for what you have, right? Right. So why are you lying to yourself when you really don't feel all that ding dang happy? Soak in it if you have to. Feel like shit when you think of things that didn't go to plan. And please don't feel like you "got off easy" because your friend's preemie isn't fairing as well as yours. Would your friend feel good knowing that you feel better about your situation or are MORE grateful, because her baby needed 3 blood transfusions and lost her hearing? I don't think she would. Would you like it if someone said they are so incredibly blessed because their baby wasn't as small as yours and only had to stay for 2 weeks in the NICU? No you would not.  (FYI: Someone really did tell me that when Jedi was in the NICU...I still feel like screaming at them to stop feeling sorry for my baby..and it's been years) 
And so, it is okay to feel how you feel. If you are happy, let yourself be happy. If you are not, that is okay too. You are not your feelings, your feelings are just a part of you. Keep it real, yo. 


Be Patient.
You don't know much about your baby, but your baby doesn't know much of freaking anything so PHEW. Be patient with yourself. Be patient with your baby. Baby is not going to pack up his shit and head out on the shoe lace express if it doesn't feel properly bonded to you. No, because babies can't even tie shoes, so that would be a silly idea. Relax. You are just itching to show this baby who the Mama is and what the Mama do, LOVE AND SNUGGLES, DUH....but the baby might be happy just kickin it by himself in his baby burrito. Or on the opposite end, this baby might just be half marsupial and want to bury itself deep into your neck and never leave. He might be both (spoiler alert: HE IS) and that's okay. Preemies come with entirely different equipment in their brains. An extra sensitivity to light, touch and sounds can make a preemie either love something fast or cry faster than you can finish closing a door. Thankfully, he will grow out of this. And eventually, he will totally know what the Mama do.


Your kids are going to show you a thing or two.
 Your kids weren't there to see him prepping for heart surgery. They only know about it because you explained to them that everything was okay but he would have a scar on the side of his chest and very smart doctors were going to take the best care of him that was scientifically possible. You were there, and you remember when a nurse offered to hold your hand as they delicately inserted a tube in his throat to suction out the fluid that was building. This suction put stress on his already stressed heart, and doctors and staff came flying through the doors to help. Your kids did not see this. But you remember it as one of the more terrifying events of your NICU stay. The feeling of wanting to run down the hall, swinging open the door, and just escape, was incredibly tempting. Yet you couldn't even move an inch. You couldn't even open your hand for the nurse to hold. These flashbacks will come to you for the next few months when you see his scar stretch and grow into his fat rolls. But your kids will only that their brother has a scar. They will only see their brother not the delicate preemie that was carefully wrapped and hidden away under a soft blue light. They will treat him as another one of them. Your daughter will pile her Barbies on top of his legs so he can play. Your son will ask if he can hold him for awhile. Soon they will all be able to carry him from room to room. They will complain about his crying. They will say he smells. And they will show him things you can't. "Mom can we take him outside in his Bumbo seat and show him how to blow bubbles?" "Mom, look! We are having a tea party!" "Mom he can push his toy!" "Mom! Mom! Look! He thinks this is funny!"
They don't see that delicate preemie immune system that haunts you while you sweep and sanitize the bathroom.They see their brother. Their little smelly baby brother whom they love so much. When he is hospitalized because he is sick, they will worry like you worry. And when you get home, they will hug him just how you hug him. They are resilient little people. And they are going to teach you their ways. 

You are ready for this.
No one else took a class on your child but I bet you could teach one if you had to. You have made it this far lady and no ones given you the fail card, so you better believe you are the best woman for the job. If you had a special needs child or a child with a serious medical condition, you would get your bearings just like every Mom and Dad before you, and get with the program. They rocked it, and you will too. Don't believe me? Go look at that kid and tell me you couldn't or wouldn't. Yea. I thought so.

He will astound you.
In ways I can't even describe. He will test every limit of your heart and he will barrel right through them. He will make you get up every day with a smile on your face. You will cry at every milestone. You will revel in the little things because you know how delicate the line was between life and death. You will get pissy when he's pissy and then you will both be pissy and you will sigh. When he is asleep, you will threaten people with your eyeballs. You will laugh harder than you ever have. He will amaze you with his strength and resolve. You will wonder over and over again, how in the world you got so damn lucky. You will hug all your babies a little tighter and a little longer, knowing in your heart of hearts you would do damn near anything for them. Even a scary as hell pregnancy, a traumatic birth, and a not so great NICU stay. 
And he will astound you over and over again.


You'll never get used to it.











Monday, September 2, 2013

Humble's Big Ass Birthday Giveaway Bangarang!


This is my "grateful" face.
No joke.
I got the haaaappppyyyyyssss

        My birthday falls on September 5th again this year. More specifically, it is on a Thursday. This will be my 29th birthday, and other than celebrating the day my Mom became a Mom for the first time ever (GO MOM! YOU ROCK!) I also like to celebrate all my favorite things that have made me so happy while I have been moonwalking through this thing called life. My children are amazing, bright, and generally delightful. How I have materialized such magnificent humans from my most unworthy loins is an internal debate that of "how? just how? why me? how did I get so lucky?" and "WHO CARES CHARGE IT TO MY CARD!" and frankly, I am beyond happy that I get to see these people every day. Also, my family and my friends have made life thus far pretty furkin cool and I am forever in their debt. I am not the easiest person to be living this life with and their advice and invaluable support for me is really quite commendable on their part. In other words, they're probably crazier than I am and deserve unlimited beer stuff for putting up with my: antics, nuances, cry baby moments, bitchy come backs, and lack of care when they post about their dog(s). For keeping calm and not losing their shit when I am: lost, confused, didn't follow their directions, sad, scared of the dark, refusal to not park the car until "it feels right", my irate demands of being the main photog for most outings and also photo editor including but not limited to saying things like "Just take 20 pictures, I am posing, I'll delete the bad ones later" which they are extremely annoyed with. But they still like me enough to call me, check on me, tag me in a funny Star Wars pic, and invite me to be seen in public with them at various events, which is really nice of them.

This month is also not only a cause for me to celebrate my wins, fails, and the people that make my life a hip happening ride, it is also a time for me to reflect on things that have made me the person I am today. One of those things is the inspiration I have gathered from the great friends I have made on my blogging journey and the motivation to do even small things every day that help someone else. Not only because of the kindness that is shown to me, but because "it is good to do good things." My birth month is also Pediatric Cancer Awareness Month, and because of my dear friend's story of her daughter's Cancer journey, I am passionate about giving as much awareness as possible to the cause.

 My friend Sheila Quirke shared the story of her sweet girl Donna for the first time, 2 years ago. Last year the series was reposted again by the Huffington Post. Because of Donna's story, a light was sparked not only in my heart but in the hearts of thousands of people all around the world. Sheila started a charity, "Donna's Good Things", as a way for her to continue to parent Donna by doing good things for others as well as sharing the good things others do, all in Donna's memory. Donna's Good Things has raised over 170K for St. Baldrick's, and continues to shine a light for Cancer Parents and Cancer Children by giving back to the local hospitals and organizations that helped Donna in her short life. This year, a new series has started with a new post being made every day, that shares the stories of Children who have been affected. I am inviting you to read these stories and also Donna's story this month because learning the stories of Children who have been affected, leaves a stronger impression than statistics.
 
"The hope is that by learning about children with cancer, readers will be more invested in turning their awareness into action" Mary Tyler Mom
You can like Mary Tyler Mom HERE
You can read the September Series on Childhood Cancer Stories HERE
You can like Donna's Good Things HERE
For more information on Donna's Good Things, CLICK HERE
And for more info on St. Baldrick's and to find an upcoming event near you, CLICK HERE

 
 
AND NOW FOR HUMBLE'S BIG ASS BIRTHDAY GIVEAWAY BANGARANG!

The first giveaway is from yours truly of course, because I like you for being here.





a Rafflecopter giveaway


The next Giveaway is from:
Emily's Embellishments


and is a Gift Card for 25.00 that is good for the purchase of any custom or in stock items that can be found at Emily's Embellishments on Facebook by clicking HERE
a Rafflecopter giveaway

The next giveaway is from:
Passions By Dev & Cyn


This prize includes the winners choice of a Sexy Skin for Him Set which includes:
A cooling and refreshing grooming set that features 1 Soft and Silky Shave Cream and 1 Liquid Body Silk
OR
Sexy Skin for Her Set which includes:
1 Liquid Body Silk in a choice of 3 fresh and flirty scents: Coconut Lemongrass, Plumeria, or Pomegranate Ginger
1 Body Mist in Pomegranate Ginger Fragrance
1 Gold Dust Shimmering Body Powder
AND
a 15.00 Gift Certificate to be used at Passions By Dev & Cyn
Passion Parties By Dev & Cyn can be found on Facebook by clicking HERE

 

Passion Parties At Passion Parties we offer in-home parties for primarily women(but they are great for co-ed & couples nights as well)


                Carrying everything from bubble bath & body lotion to bedroom toys & romance enhancers!
For Online Shopping click HERE

Phone consult is also offered to help place an order.

 

One lucky winner will score an Ultimate Applicator Skinny Wrap from
Meredith Seifert Skinny Wraps by It Works
 

"Tighten, Tone, Firm, and Detoxify in as little as 45 minutes"
More info and to place an order can be done at Meredith's site by clicking HERE
and also on her Facebook Page by clicking HERE

Can be shipped anywhere in the US.

Denise Lang is giving away a 25.00 Gift Card to Disney! It can be used at any Disney Theme Park, The Disney Store, and Online at Disneyshopping.com

Ears To You Travel
 



is a Disney Vacation Planning service that is 100 percent free to use to help clients book their perfect Disney vacation, monitor for potential discounts and deals, assist with dining reservations, tours, and more!
For more info please check out Ears To You Travel by clicking
HERE

Denise is also available on her Facebook Page HERE

Here's your chance to win!

a Rafflecopter giveaway
 


Jenna Rose-Jamberry Nails

is giving away a set of Mummy and Me It's More! Nail Wraps featuring a really fun Halloween print!
To see more prints and order you can check out Jenna's site by clicking HERE
And by checking out her Facebook Page HERE
Adult Print

Good for 3-4 applications and valued at 15.00

Kids Print (other monsters are in the set!)

Good for 5-6 applications and valued at 15.00




 
 

 

Suny Island Blu Soap Co.


Put a little sun in your day with handcrafted soaps, lotions, body sprays and lip balms made with an island flair!
Many different scents are available such as, Island Rose, Pearberry, Dreamsicle, and Salty Mariner, just to name a few!
All are handmade in small batches, and crafted with natural ingredients.
Check out Suny Blu Island's shop HERE
and for an even BIGGER selection that ships internationally, click HERE

To like Suny Blu Island Soap Co. on Facebook, click HERE
Suny Blu Island is giving away a 15.00 Gift Certificate that can be used on any Instock purchase. (Disclaimer: Expires 30 days after winner receives GC)
a Rafflecopter giveaway
 
It's On The Walls
 


 
It's On The Walls Decals creates custom high quality vinyl decals that can be used to decorate any room in your home or office!
You can shop at their Etsy store It's On The Walls HERE
and you can like their Facebook page by clicking HERE
 
It's On The Walls is giving away 1 30x30 high quality vinyl wall decal (winners choice: In stock OR custom)
 
 
Red Marionette
 
Red Marionette handcrafts fun home and holiday d├ęcor that is sure to add a touch of whimsy. From fabric wall art, holiday stockings, party favors and holiday ornaments, you are sure to fall in love with something in their shop!
To check out Red Marionette on Etsy click HERE
and at their main site HERE
Their Facebook page can be found HERE
 
Halloween is coming! And to prepare for the season, Red Marionette is giving away this adorable ornament "Casey the Candy Corn" he is 3" tall and made from felt and puffed with polyfil.
 
 
And as a special gift to Humblers you can use the code HUMBLE for 10% off your purchase during the month of September!
 
 
Youthful Love Designs
 
 
Custom made clipboards and custom wood frames (clip frames) can be made to reflect your taste and style. A variety of patterns and text to choose from and makes a great Back to School gift!

 
To make your own custom clipboard or frame, you can contact Youthful Love Designs on Etsy by clicking HERE
To follow Youthful Love Designs on Facebook, click HERE
 
Youthful Love Designs is giving away 1 9x12 custom clipboard and 1 6x12 custom wood frame! FREE shipping in the US only
 
 
 
Michele's Usborne Books
 


 Usborne and Kane Miller books are the most exciting, engaging, and educational books on the market today. They are high quality, colorful, engaging, and kids LOVE reading them. There are almost 2000 fun titles covering a wide variety of subjects. 


 
 
Michele is a sales rep for Usborne and is offering a fun paper doll style sticker book, "Popstars and Movie Stars" The stickers are removable from furniture and can be repositioned.
To find more great Usborne titles you can check out Michele's site HERE
and follow her Facebook page HERE


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Stitches, Witches & Bows

Stitches, Witches & Bows designs cute and colorful bows, headbands, pony holders and clips. From big flower headbands to bright spiky bows, Stitches And Witches has just what you are looking for and is open for custom orders!
To visit Stitches, Witches & Bows on Store Envy, Click HERE
To follow Stitches, Witches & Bows on Facebook, Click HERE


Stitches, Witches & Bows is giving away this adorable alligator clip Trick or Treat Bow!


 
a Rafflecopter giveaway

The Mother Freakin Princess Giveaway

My sweet friend and fellow blogger, The Mother Freakin Princess, is giving away a Team Beachbody DVD "Hip Hop Abs"

To watch a demo of the DVD and learn about Team Beachbody click HERE
and to follow my amazing friend, The Mother Freakin Princess, click HERE
 
Lotus Candy

Lotus Candy specializes in bath products in an assortment of varieties and scents like jasmine + vanilla, candy cane, citrus sucker punch, and eucalyptus + lavender, just to name a few!
Lotus Candy Bath Candy

Lotus Candy Bath Fizzie
To find Lotus Candy on Etsy click HERE
To follow Lotus Candy on Facebook click HERE
 
The Winner of this giveaway will receive their choice of 1 set of 6 bath fizzies OR 1 set of 12 bath candies, in a scent of their choosing!
 
a Rafflecopter giveaway

But WAIT there's EVEN MORE!
I will be posting even MORE giveaways tomorrow! (9/04)

THANK YOU to all the businesses that have participated!

Friday, August 30, 2013

What Humble Did: Got Eye Boned At The Gas Station

What Humble Did


The part of the show where I tell you about something strange/exciting/nonimportant/noteworthy/and/or/sexual


Remember that one time I told you that I went to my kids school with period pants? No not last week... that other time.

Well something really similar happened today with the similar part being I was a tore back shade of Humble that has been sweating through the million degree (okay a little exaggeration) and 90 percent humidity (totally not an exag...I fact checked this with the pit sweat on my towels that I wear fresh out of the shower) wearing pants and 2 days worth of grime because showers seem to be rather pointless when you're sweating out the last of your breastmilk while YOU ARE DRYING OFF. Oh and why have I been wearing pants? Because bear legs. I have just been lazy and have not shaved in awhile. Usually this bothers me in no way, but because of this sweaty crotch weather, the hairs on my legs make me feel even sweatier and hotter than normal. Wearing pants seems reasonable to at least mask the friction between fur and legs but it's obviously not a very well thought out plan. There is a reason no one has ever said I have street smarts, ya know.

So there I was at the gas station today, bear legs under wraps and sweating to the point that I might actually be burning cellulite from baby #3 circa 2005, hair is a wreck, doing that half ass pony tail that I kind of brushed but not really, because lifting my arms is exercise and there is no exercise in Africa. I am not a fucking gazelle being chased. I am a human who is stank ass hot. My peeps are white and from the North. We eat butter and feast on potatoes which go directly to our thighs cuz our DNA might be scared of another Great Depression. Which could also explain my body hair problem. You never know when shit is gonna hit the fan and Pa could lose his job at the factory, in the middle of the snow, uphill both ways, leaving us to have to sell our blankets.

Also, I am going to mention how totally sexy I was feeling through all of this. Sweat, grime, hairy as nature/nurture intended, and in period denial. Kind of gotta period....but wishing it away....paper toweling it up over here. Buying pads is acceptance and IT AIN'T YOUR WEEK...so fuck off V zone...you get Brawny as punishment, because fuck you. Nothing makes sense in this Tom Cruise forsaken heat. The reason I was even at the gas station was to buy those .99 cent tall cans of sugar water because I am pretty sure I have sweated out the last of my carbohydrates and whathaveyou as I was buckling Jedi into his car seat. I had to dig around for a bit to find change to pay for the drink because I was totally unprepared for a desert throat situation and as I was digging around I happened to look up and I saw him.........

You know hiiiiiiiiiim. The guy who is always a little too happy to be watching you pump gas, gazing at you, caressing your hair with his lips from 17 feet away, watching you as if you were a prize to behold. He is the creeper guy "Guy" who has been offering his services either by laying on a cool line like "what's that taste like?" (and you aren't even eating anything) and "mmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMM girl" since you looked like you might possibly be 17 and a half. Dream Weaver is what I like to call him.

So I notice Dream Weaver starting to pump his gas in the car ahead of me while I am searching for change. I am trying to make this as quick as possible because I must drink something NOW, and I can't help noticing him, noticing me. It always takes me a little while to figure out what intentions someone has for looking at me for longer than 1.5 seconds. Nice? Friendly? Weird? On ecstasy and looking for a dance partner?  But at this point, I have glanced at least 5 times to double triple check and this motherfucker is NOT looking anywhere but at me, which is awesomely confusing because I am sporting kitten pits which is mostly frowned upon in modern society. After I notice him noticing me and wipe the froth that has formed at my forehead I  go inside and quickly come back to the car with my already cracked open and half guzzled drink. I get my purse and drink situated and I look up and he is holding the gas nozzle like a dick. Pushing his junk into it and everything.  I am immediately amused as I am already starting my car and will avoid any and all verbal contact with this person knowing that I am safely on my way out of there, making this all the more hilarious. I back up and pull out to the side of his car to make my way for the exit. As I do, he is yelling what I made out to be "bbbhdbscjdc sweetheart djsddkjdl number?" and as he's yelling he is walking towards my van. Except he forgot he was holding the gas nozzle and it rips out of his hand and gas just goes EVERYWHERE. All over his shoes, all over the back of his car, it was a wreck.


And then I had an insane thought.
He might actually be my soul mate from another parallel universe. Gas nozzle humping, spray painting flammable fluids.....that's actually quite impressive if you think about it.


End Scene.

xoxo Humble